Where's that #$!!$! password?!
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Posted by: LocalShops1 Boy
Hi, website. I can’t find my password.
Don’t look at me like that. I just can’t find it! Or my
username. Hey, I’ve got a lot going on and a bunch of passwords to keep up
with. I thought this was my password, but it turns out that’s my ESPN fantasy football
league password. It happens.
So, can I have my password?
I’ll answer any questions you ask. Hit me.
What do you mean, no questions? No help at all? It’s the
middle of the night – I can’t call customer service. You’re closed!
Hey, look, I understand that security is necessary. I know
people are out there trying to steal my identity. But I think some questions
are safe. I really don’t think evil geek in China can guess what kind of car I
had in the 11th grade. It’s possible that evil geek in China was
that evil geek in my physics class so long ago and decided to chuck his
American citizenship and move back to Beijing and was paying attention to my
every move and can get my financials based on that knowledge he’s had for
decades, but can’t we agree that’s a real stretch?
I’ll grant you that your new security system is a lot better
than the old one, with the virtual keyboard I had to point and click my
password into, and it was slow, and it had a time limit of 3 seconds. Whoever
designed that thing watched "Mission: Impossible” too many times. Only in this
version, I was Ethan Hunt hanging from the ceiling and the French guy in the ventilation
shaft was sneezing constantly and screwing up the whole works. Thanks for
getting rid of that. But for "just no” to be an improvement is a pretty sad
commentary, don’t you think?
And I still can’t remember my password or my username.
I’ll just try things, then. Let’s see, was it the old email
address? Was it numbers? My birthday, long-dead cat’s birthday, child’s
birthday, all reversed? My birthday reversed in the middle? Child’s birthday,
one digit in front, one at the end? With an exclamation point? Something from a
movie I watched one night and thought would be a hard password for anyone to
guess, including me?
Is it really good business to make this impossible? You have
to have lost a few customers because of this. There are options out there, you
OK, I’ve said my piece. You know how I feel. Can I have my
LocalShops1 Boy is a writer
who would love to tell you more about himself, but he stored his bio
away in a password-protected file and can't find it. If you need to reach him, e-mail us at LS1Girl@localshops1.com and we'll track him down for you. He's available for freelance writing & editing assignments, too.
LocalShops1, est. 2008,
is a coalition of hundreds of independently owned businesses
and tens of thousands of energetic shoppers with the mission of
advocating, promoting and offering support services to companies
throughout Tampa Bay.
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